What Does It Actually Mean to Be a Good Person?

What Is a Good Person?

It’s a phrase thrown around too easily. “He’s a good person.” “She’s a good person.” But what does that actually mean? More often than not, people say it without thinking, without defining it, without testing it. The title of a good person is handed out freely—too freely. And yet, the reality is that most of the time, when someone is called good, what is really meant is that they are pleasant.

A good person, by most people’s standards, is someone who is agreeable, who makes others feel comfortable, who upholds a socially acceptable image. They are kind in easy circumstances, polite in familiar company, and unchallenging in their interactions. But if we set aside convenience, if we remove the veil of social pleasantries, does any of that really determine goodness?

I would argue that it does not.

A good person is not simply someone who is nice. Niceness is easy. Niceness is cultivated for appearances, for social harmony, for the seamless functioning of daily life. But the ease of an action does not make it virtuous. Goodness—real goodness—is something else entirely. It is difficult. It is tested under stress. And it is often not rewarded in the ways people expect.

A concept I recently came across in a conversation between Jordan Peterson and Andrew Huberman articulated this idea well. Peterson spoke about truth, about the necessity of prioritizing truth above all else, and about how doing so is an act of faith—because the benefits of truth are not always immediate, nor are they always obvious. If you do not have faith in the long-term value of truth, why would you not choose the immediate lie that best serves you in the moment?

Now, take this idea and apply it to the notion of a good person. Suppose a scientist has dedicated their life to a groundbreaking discovery—one that has given them prestige, influence, and perhaps even a legacy. But years later, through further research, they discover they were wrong. Their work, the foundation of their success, is flawed. What do they do?

A truly good person tells the world. A truly good person endures the consequences of truth, even if it means dismantling their own achievements, their own identity, their own comfort. But most people? Most people stay silent.

So when I hear someone described as a good person, my first instinct is skepticism. I want to see them under stress. I want to see their response when telling the truth costs them something, when integrity demands sacrifice. Because real goodness is not about making people feel good. It is about serving truth, serving what is right, even when—especially when—it is inconvenient, painful, or self-destructive.

And this is why I reject the casual, overused phrase “he’s a good person” when it is based on nothing more than manners or likability. A likable person is not necessarily a good person. A comfortable person is not necessarily a good person. Goodness is not proven in moments of ease; it is proven in trials, in hardship, in the moments when standing by it offers nothing in return.

So the next time you call someone good, ask yourself: have they been tested? Have they chosen truth over comfort? Have they shown goodness when it cost them something?

Because if they haven’t, you don’t actually know if they are good. You only know that they are easy to be around. And that is not the same thing.